Cry It Out
We believe the Cry-It-Out method (sometimes referred to as the Ferber Method) to promote sleep directly contradicts our Ensure Safe Sleep Physically and Emotionally ideal. There is also an overwhelming amount of research that we feel shows cry-it-out to be harmful to development and attachment. As such, APVCS does not endorse any form of the cry-it-out method and comments supporting this practice are moderated on our Facebook Forums. We do, however, recognize that a caregiver may have employed this approach in the past. We aim to support these caregivers to find alternate, respectful solutions.
What Should I Do Instead?
Dr. Markham - Helping Your Baby Get To Sleep
Dr. Jay Gordon - Sleep, Changing Patterns in the Family Bed
Shame is to feel there is something wrong with you. Questions about shaming children fall under our Practice Positive Discipline ideal. Psychologically and emotionally, shaming is profoundly different than feeling that you did something wrong; it is the difference between "I made a mistake" and "I am a mistake." Unlike guilt, which tends to cause one to feel badly, shame tends to cause one to withdraw and hide. Being shamed can be deeply hurtful to a developing sense of self; can break trust between a parent and child; can negatively affect a child's self-worth; and can make a child feel abnormal, alone, and dejected. APVC does not endorse shaming as an acceptable form of discipline and we therefore moderate comments on our Facebook Forums that support this practice. We recognize a caregiver may have used shame as a discipline tactic in the past. Accordingly, we aim to support these caregivers and suggest gentler, more respectful ways to support maturation and development.
We believe that spanking in any form directly contradicts our Use Nurturing Touch and Practice Positive Discipline ideals. There is also an overwhelming amount of research that we feel shows physical punishment to be harmful to development and attachment. As such, APVC does not endorse any form physical discipline (including spanking, biting, flicking and pinching) and comments in favour of these practices are moderated on our Facebook Forums. We do, however, recognize that a caregiver may have employed this approach in the past. We aim to support these caregivers to find alternate, respectful solutions.
What Should I Do Instead?
Dr. Markham - How To Use Positive Parenting
No Bad Kids - Toddler Discipline Without Shame (9 Guidelines)
Using attachment insecurity as a tool to control children's behaviour violates our following ideals: Provide Consistent and Loving Care, Respond with Sensitivity, and Practice Positive Discipline. This means that suggesting punitive isolation, the silent treatment, or other methods in which a child's fears of abandonment are used against them in order to control them are moderated on our Facebook Forums.
APVC cannot endorse using forms of time out that force a child to be alone or confined to an area. Notably, this is different from gradually teaching a child to remove themselves from a situation and reflect on what happened, which involves the potential for interaction regarding questions and concerns. Punitive isolation does not include the parent and child leaving a situation of stimulus, or a parent removing themselves to gain their own self-control. Being alone is not the issue, as many children do thrive when they are allowed to have moments of solitude - enforced separation with a punitive mindset is the concern. Traditional time outs are punishment-based, with the intention of the child fearing the consequence (and subsequently not repeating the offending behaviour). APVC aims to support caregivers who have previously used traditional time outs to find more positive alternatives.
Examples of punitive isolation:
-Use of a "naughty chair" or "naughty stair" where a child must sit for a set period of time dictated by the parent. During this time, there is no contact with the parent, and zero engagement permitted. The parent is not nearby, and the expectation is that this is punitive.
-A child being locked in their room as a form of discipline, again either zero or only punitive contact with the parent is had during this time. Also, the intention here is to have a child sustaining a level of upset and angst.
-A parent punitively refusing to speak to a child until an arbitrary period of time has passed, which is dictated by the infraction. (The silent treatment is also interpreted as "time out from the relationship.")
Routine Infant Circumcision (RIC) is a widely debated topic and is often argued to contradict our Use Nurturing Touch ideal. APVC recognizes this is a grey area and the right for a parent to choose to perform this legal practice. Having intact children is not a requirement to participate in our groups and your views on circumcision are you own. However, it is important to note that this topic tends to get very heated and passionate on our Facebook Forums, as there are many members who are strictly against RIC. Due to the sensitive nature of the subject, please exercise extreme consideration when providing your opinion, keeping in mind our User Agreement, particularly in regards to attacking language.
Vaccinations are a hotly contested issue. Questions about whether to vaccinate your children fall under our Prepare for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting ideal. While our public health authorities strongly encourage immunization, APVC acknowledges vaccinations are not mandated by law and that parents have the right to choose which, if any, vaccines to give to their children. As this issue has widespread implications for both individual and public health, many members feel passionately about this subject. As with our other hot topics, should you choose to comment on a vaccine-related post, please ensure your comments are respectful. Be mindful of our User Agreement, particularly with respect to attacking language.